


you have to promise not to get mad

by justasuperfan



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Ba Sing Se, Fire Nation (Avatar), Gen, Northern Water Tribe, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, crackfic, kinda trashy, zuko has done so many weird things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27765145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justasuperfan/pseuds/justasuperfan
Summary: zuko has done some...weird things. and he has to share those with the world if he wants them to double check some security measures.
Relationships: Katara & Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Zuko, but they aren’t mentioned much
Comments: 22
Kudos: 311





	you have to promise not to get mad

**Author's Note:**

> this is a crackfic. not even looked over. i wrote it for the hungry pinterest avatar fandom who wants more zuko, and who doesn’t? enjoy this my friends, and check out my other works because they’re a lot better than this one.
> 
> pinterest/tumblr post: https://pin.it/4ZKPrbT

Zuko’s past wasn't exactly something he was proud of. Being banished from his home for three years...repeatedly attacking his former enemies, who were all younger than him...and he wouldn’t even _mention_ the way he obsessed about honor as if it was his only purpose in life. 

All of those things made meetings with ambassadors and world leaders...very hard, to say the least. They loved to bring up his repetitive failures over and over again. But literally nothing compared to when he brought up all the illegal things he’d done in the past. They were quite frankly the most embarrassing and the funniest moments of his life.

And he was about to have to do it again.

“So, uh...Chief Arnook? May I have a word about your security measures?” 

The piercing blue eyes met his from across the table. Water tribe meetings were always the best, because Hakoda fully trusted Zuko, and Katara and Sokka were always there. Arnook however, was a different story. Zuko was kind of regretting getting the man’s attention. “Yes, Lord Zuko?”

“Well...you should probably revisit the security measures in the water ducts the turtle seals use. Your city could be easily infiltrated using those.”

Arnook’s expression was unreadable. Katara and Sokka just looked at him with their eyebrows furrowed, obviously confused.

“I assure you, there is nothing to worry about. There is no possible way even a waterbender could survive for that long in icy waters.”

Oh boy. _Here comes the hard part_. He was silent for a moment, wondering how to gently approach the subject, then just decided to dive right in. Because really, when had he ever thought things through. “Remember when the fire nation attacked you? When Zhao had his whole invasion force break through the walls?”

The chief’s eyes hardened. “What about it?” He said through clenched teeth. Maybe not the best idea to bring up the siege to a grieving father.

“I...may have...gotten into the walls...using the turtle seal water ducts.”

It was silent for a minute. Then all hell broke loose.

Sokka spit out his tea and started half-choking half-wheezing on the other side of the room while Katara just slammed her head onto the table. Arnook just stared at him, mouth agape, as Hakoda tried his best to suppress a very obvious laugh. Pakku literally didn’t even move.

“ _Fuck_ Zuko, how are you _alive_?” Sokka snorted after he finished his laughing fest.

“I honestly have no idea.”

Arnook cleared his throat loudly. “I’ll be sure to recheck. Thank you, Lord Z—” Then even _he_ started chuckling. Well. That was over with, at least.

“Oh, and you might want to make sure all the abandoned ships in both tribes are empty of flares or weapons.”

“That was _one time_!!” Katara shouted.

The chief’s hands came up as he sighed. “I don’t even wanna know.”

…

“So, Firelord Zuko, I heard you’ve been to Ba Sing Se? How was your trip?”

Zuko froze in the middle of taking a sip of water. He coughed and put down the glass before looking at King Kuei, who’d asked the question. He saw Toph put a hand on her forehead out of the corner of his eye.

“Well...okay, can everyone call a truce? No getting mad at me?” Maybe that was a childish thing to say, but a meeting with Kings Bumi and Kuei wasn't exactly a place he needed to be civil. Even if their advisors seemed stoic and unfeeling. Zuko cleared his throat and shifted in his chair. He was not eager to tell that story. “I uh...I snuck in on a ferry, worked at a tea shop, attacked a customer for calling me out as a firebender...said customer got arrested and brainwashed.” He coughed the last part into his hand. “Then I freed a flying bison from an underwater lair, kind of...was in a coma, for like a week, attacked my sister, and was held prisoner underground.”

It was silent. Then Toph stood, her chair scraping against the ground loudly. “Alright Sparky, I’ve got to hear more of this.”

Kind Kuei didn’t seem fazed, but there was the twinkle of laughter in his eye. King Bumi was...well, he was Bumi. Zuko wasn’t even sure he’d listened at all. “That sounds like...quite the trip, Lord Zuko.”

“Yeah. It was. Sorry about the whole sneaking in and attacking you thing, by the way.”

The earth king held up a hand. “All is forgiven. As long as you tell me the name of the tea shop, so I can give the owner a raise for dealing with this.”

…

“So, have all the innocent prisoners been freed from the Boiling Rock?” Zuko asked. 

The new warden nodded as every eye at the table turned to him. Zuko’s new advisors, a few guards, Mai, Ty Lee, and Suki. “It took a while to review all of their cases, but yes. Many have been pardoned.”

“Good.” Zuko replied. “Oh, and we will no longer be using the coolers there. They're inhumane, and can also be easily used as an escape tool if you unscrew them and use them as a flotation device.”

Suki put her head in her hands and muttered something like, “Why would you bring this up, Zuko.”

Mai just stared at him and Ty Lee covered her mouth with a giggle. The warden stared him down. “And...how would you know this?”

“I’ve done it.”

The fire nation wasn't exactly as prone to laughter as the other nations. Their meetings were a lot more stiff than the others. The warden was silent for a moment before he spoke up, “I believe that. I’ve heard you went on some crazy adventures, Firelord.”

Zuko nodded. It was so much better when everyone just took it in stride, but it was funnier when Sokka was there and ended up rolling on the floor with laughter. “Alright, next order of business...any very dangerous prisoners must be held with stronger chains than we have now. They're easy to break through with swords.”

Zuko’s advisor stared at him like he was insane. Actually, everyone did. “Better yet, don’t use chains at all.” The firelord added. “Just keep them in secure cells, and make sure to feed them regularly. Living conditions at the Boiling Rock are horrific.”

“Zuko, _please_ , for the love of Agni, don’t tell me you went around breaking out prisoners with swords.” Mai said.

The firelord gulped. “Uh...no?”

“You’re such a bad liar.” Suki muttered.

The meeting was adjourned to the sound of Ty Lee’s uncontrollable laughter.


End file.
